I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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