i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
