Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
