Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize