I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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