If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
