The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize