The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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