she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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