Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
