Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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