you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
