If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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