You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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