I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize