I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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