Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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