i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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