All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize