We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize