I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Drunk is a universal language darling
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize