I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
