Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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