You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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