what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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