She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
