party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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