If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
