jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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