So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
