I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
