3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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