that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
