last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize