i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize