I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
