I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
