You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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