What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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