Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize