Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish you could order shots online.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
