The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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