The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize