Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
