And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize