I love having hate sex.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
