Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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