if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
