i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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