My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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