Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At least make sure they are 18
Why
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
