If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
