I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
