a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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