Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
