actually, I'm a sock model
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
