Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
