i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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