Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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