oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
