i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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