so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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