I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
