question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
