I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
