Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
