Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
