He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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