Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
