it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
