And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
