My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
