my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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