Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
