I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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