i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize