I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
