i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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