dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
