I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize