I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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