went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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